The irony of it all!
I wonder why in the 21st Century, our men, our black glorious rising and risen men still cheat on their women, still have fragile egos,still believe the ways to their hearts are their stomachs, still believe they have no control over their sight, still believe in that disgusting word ’emasculation’, still believe they have no control on where their desires take them aka ‘but we are visual beings’, still have no audacity to tell their women when they are cheating on them or when they want to start!!!
Now instead of or as we chastise the woman for her decision to leave or stay, can we also ask (and chastise) the man for why he is still cheating on his woman? Especially with the same rigour! I mean, I am tired of this rhetoric. Even the women in my life, my young lovely ‘aunts’ who married their university/high-school sweethearts and had power-couple dreams, are in marriages where their men are cheating on them (and sometimes emotionally and physically beating them) and every time we have those heart-to-hearts they tell me,”Get a white man, for your happiness,get a white man…at least he will divorce you before he cheats on you.” And of course this is very problematic! Don’t point out how problematic this is because white men can cheat too,daaaah! And black men can be loyal too,dah! And this just adds to the problematic superiority and inferiority complexes, daaah! But why am I always the one to take the safety precautions?😡
To make it worse,my friends and their friends do have their fair share of stories about fuckboys and how it seems that the good ones are taken or simply very few or simply yet to show their true colours… All these leave me wondering,maybe the same way Tiwa and Bey might have before they finally spoke out or at least how I may think of it,’I leave and get another nice guy who I know will do the same? Eh, at least this my devil that I know!’
So as we tell our powerful African women to have the audacity to leave, I am also telling the powerful African men to have the courage to not cheat, on your girlfriends or on your fiancés or on your future wives!!! And if you have started, stop! Stahhhhhhhhhpppp! Unless of course you are in an open relationship! Stop it!
Unlearn,learn and master! Break this cycle! The cycle of almost all powerful men in this continent having concubines and the others having ‘sponsees’ in university. Unlearn that you cannot control your sexual desires! Unlearn the rotten logic of polygamy that many wives=more power! Unlearn that anything can emasculate you! Unlearn that we don’t have sexual libidos-if you stay you may just get all the satisfaction! Learn how to cook goddamit! Food is the way to my heart too! We are going to make more money than you, kina Ba died for us to do so but still it is easier for you to make more but if you won’t ,emasculation is a myth!!! Master! Master faithfulness! Master assertiveness when you think we are no longer enough! STOP CHEATING ON US!
This is my editted response to a chat on one of my whatsapp groups on the conversation sparked by Tiwa and Tunji’s marriage(or lack thereof?) scandal… I wish her all the healing and as someone joked on twitter that her next album will be called ‘Palm wine’, I also secretly look forward to her going vocal about the process if she wishes to, otherwise, I am so grateful that women are speaking out. At least when I shall be getting married no one will say to me “Vumilia if he cheats because he is just being a man” without me saying,” No, I do not have to vumilia (tolerate).”