The other day I was reminded to find a man that can maintain me. You know, a man who will take me for better vacations than dad, buy me expensive wine, dine me in the best restaurants in the world and maybe even build his queen a palace where they will live happily after…let us not mention the BMWs and Lamborghinis that will be birthday presents…

At first glance there is nothing wrong with this piece of advice, if anything it comes from such a beautiful well-meaning place that I hate to bash it. Maybe what I have a problem with is the fact that the premise of this good ‘ol advice is that I need to be maintained by someone else who is not me. Or maybe I will have done just well enough to be able to maintain myself well enough until he comes.

I have been blessed enough to be presented with so many opportunities and I think it would be a disservice to my parents, if after university(or even now), I cannot maintain myself. I want to be able to take myself to vacations and to dates in beautiful restaurants. If need be I want to build me an akapalace. I do not want to wait for the one who will maintain me. This is not ati independence, this is just logic. I cannot want an egalitarian marriage yet sit on my bum because sometime in the future I will find someone who will maintain me, that’s non-sense!

At this point of my writing, I am thinking how I have only talked about the materialistic side of maintenance yet I think this could also apply to the emotional and even the spiritual. I do not know who sold me this dream but I bought it and now I am realising I shouldn’t have. It is the dream of this man who will grow me spriritually, emotionally and intellectually…now, of course there is nothing wrong with this. the only problem is this dream was sold as something that could only happen when someone came around and that is how it becomes an excuse for not growing spiritually, emotionally and intellectually only to burden the poor man who will have to be your emotional coach, pastor and teacher.

So no, I am not going to find a man who can maintain me because I need to be able to maintain myself-physically, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. What I need to do is find a man who can maintain himself then together we will maintain a family, yes! Thats’ how empires merge to make bigger ones!

“I want some collabo” 😉