Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.
(Song of Songs 8:4 NLT)
Aah! There’s something about being in love…I have been in love twice and there is nothing I have ever felt so strongly. I felt like I could literally die for the person. Hours were spent describing every detail of my day and emotions. Even more hours would be spent building the future together. I was always in anticipation except for the moments we were together , those moments I lived in the present, sharing dreams, listening to dreams, comforting each other, celebrating each other, eating oh yes eating-there’s nothing like a shared meal with someone you adore, being silly then being smart…everything really. It was bliss.
Now, every time I get into a relationship I imagine marriage, it is almost a reflex reaction. At this point I want to pass blame to all those Disneyland movies for these sentiments because I could never get into a relationship with someone if I couldn’t see a future with them. Now, this is a good thing especially because it is one sure way to eliminate crushes 🙂 but it is not so good when the break-up happens. When the break up happens, it crushes your spirit, mind and body.When the break-up happens, you just do not cry for the past but for the future as well and meeeehn is it painful! So painful that it is in those moments that I think, ” Maybe mummy was right.”
Maybe I should just have waited for after-university to experience all the emotional turmoil aka fall in love. Maybe I should have waited to be more sure of myself that way I would have made less mistakes. Maybe I should never have fed my crushes.Maybe I should have invested all the time in growing myself-especially academically, lol! Maybe I would have saved myself all this pain if I just heeded to mummy but then again I think of how that would have meant not experiencing all the joy, love and bitter-sweetness and honestly, for all the joy, living and beauty I experienced ,I can’t regret the agony, dying and ugly that came after it.
So I am grateful for the past and all its lessons, now I am just waiting for love to awaken once again when it so desires or should I say ‘if it so desires’? Mum was right about one thing though, there’s nothing as beautiful as finding happiness from within, if anyone should come they will just be making me happier not happy 🙂